I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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