My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
