i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
