I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
