Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
