That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm both gender and math confused
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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