Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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