i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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