You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
