What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
