y did u give ur computer a hand job?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
