Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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