i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
