My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
