I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize