hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
