she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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