yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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