i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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