Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
