just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
