There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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