I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
