I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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