trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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