If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I forget how to act sober
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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