just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
