I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
