You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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