everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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