i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
