Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
