Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
