you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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