I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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