You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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