Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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