All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
