I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Come see our sink grown plant.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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