so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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