It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
