At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
