I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
