You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
