I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
