I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
