I accidentally burped into my bong.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
