captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
