My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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