Got a toothbrush?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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