if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
