I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is Oprah even human
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize