This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
