You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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