Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
