She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
