He disabled his match.com account in front of me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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