batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
