they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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