if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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