woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
