My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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