Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
