I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
